Hello again, everyone! I know it’s been some time since I last posted, but I am happy to announce that I have successfully graduated my DTS and am back home in Alaska. I’ve been back home for about a month and a half now, but it took some adjustment to get settled back into life here. That being said, I’m ready to start telling amazing stories about my YWAM trip! Better buckle in because it’s going to be quite the ride.
As excited as I am to share my experiences, I do have some even more amazing news to share first. I will even be as bold as to say that it was one of my more impactful memories from YWAM that will change the course of my life as we know it.
If you haven’t already read my last post (“Am I Not Passionate Enough?”), I suggest that you perhaps take a quick look for context. But I’ll provide a brief synopsis of what happened; it ties into what I am going to tell you guys (I’m on the edge of my seat about this amazing news!).
Toward the midpoint of our lecture phase of DTS, I was really struggling with feeling like I didn’t belong because I worship and pray differently. I was also extremely homesick and missing my family, and friends and longing for those majestic, serene Alaskan mountains. I felt like I hit a breaking point at that moment; I was questioning how I was going to make it for another few months.
So what did I do? I prayed.
I unleashed everything to God. My homesickness, my feelings of not belonging, my frustrations, my anxieties, everything. I’m glad no one saw me (at least I don’t think they did) because I was an absolute blubbering mess.
After I was done releasing everything, and God reassured me that it’s okay to be different, I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. I asked, my voice still cracking from my sobbing, “Is there anything you would like to speak to me about, Father? I’m listening.”
This is where my life changed dramatically.
Before asking this question, let me tell you what the setting was in the room I was in. It was a quiet and small room, a faded, light blue coated the walls. The windows slightly rattled from the light breeze flowing outside. The room was dim from the clouds outside; a steady rain tap tap tapping at the windows. It might be what you would call a sad, rainy day.
I was already not doing well that day, and the melancholy weather was not helping in the slightest. It felt like my entire world was crashing down (a bit dramatic, I know). However, that day, on May 19, 11:45 AM, became one of the most joyful days I had ever experienced not only in DTS but in my life!
Like I said, I was sitting and listening quietly to God after my sob-fest. Not even a minute after I had asked God to speak to me, I heard these words that changed my life from that day forward:
“I want you to become an author and work with Mosaic full-time.”
These words stopped me in my tracks. Did God really just reveal His calling to me?
I had to ask again, just to be sure. “God, did you just say you want me to go into writing and work with Mosaic full-time?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“Yes, My child.”
I hope that I didn’t annoy God with my repetitive asking, haha. But I felt like I needed to ask a few times just to be sure. After all, I had been praying for God to reveal His calling to me for years! I had already done a little bit of college and still didn’t know what to do with my life. My friends seemed to all already know what they wanted to do with their lives, and I felt behind. I asked and asked God, over and over, to reveal this to me but He didn’t for a while. Needless to say, I was becoming a little weary.
I can see why though! And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
There is no way I would have been ready to take on this calling had I not come to YWAM. I can see how God was using this time to help me prepare for His calling for me. Even before YWAM, He was preparing me, such as the support-raising I talked about in my first blog post, since that is what I’ll be doing during my time in Mosaic. He’s already given me a small test run which I am so thankful for! All my experiences and things I have seen and been taught during these past five months are prepping me for this calling.
The whole experience of Him revealing this to me was amazing. I even felt physical things as well! The room suddenly felt very bright, colors were more vibrant, sounds were more crisp, and my head felt clear. It was like a veil had been lifted from my eyes. I was experiencing so much joy, I felt like I was floating; I couldn’t even resist jumping up and down and laughing! It was as if the world stood still for a moment.
What I felt the most though was overwhelming peace. That is how I knew it was God speaking and not my own thoughts. I felt so much peace that it could only be God.
“God, this is so exciting!” I exclaimed. “Thank you so much for finally revealing this to me! Can I tell anyone else this exciting news?”
“Not yet.”
Um, excuse me?
“But this is amazing news, Lord! Why can’t I tell my family and friends?”
“It is not the time. Trust me.”
I will admit, I got a little frustrated I couldn’t tell anyone this revelation. A prayer had finally been answered! Something that has been on my heart for years! And God wanted me to be silent?
“May I at least talk to my mentors who are leading Mosaic?”
“Yes, you may only tell them for now. Call them now.”
I excused myself from class (our staff understood the urgency and secrecy) and headed to my room to call my mentors. I was grateful that God allowed me to at least speak to them about this, otherwise, I may have lost my marbles!
My hands were shaking slightly from all the excitement. I quickly dialed my mentors and waited eagerly for them to answer. “Okay, calm down Amanda,” I thought to myself.
“Hey, Amanda!”
I greeted them with a joyful hello, checking in with them and seeing how they were doing. It was nice to hear their voice again, thank goodness for phones! After having a quick little chat with each other, I began to tell them about what had just happened and what God revealed to me. I’ll admit, even though I knew it was from God, saying it out loud seemed a little...odd. Not in a bad way, but other people may have thought I was kinda crazy for jumping into this.
“So, what are your thoughts? What do you think?”
“You know, it’s so funny that you mention that…”
Lucky for me, they had similar thoughts and feelings as well! We were so excited that God had revealed the same plan. It was an answer to prayer for both of us! After exchanging our excitement, they asked me, ”Can I let the rest of our staff know?”
I paused. Would it be okay for the rest of the staff to know at this time?
“Let me pray and ask God real quick.” And I did just that.
“God wants us to pray about it for confirmation and reconnect next week. He wants us to keep it between us for now.”
“Sounds good, Amanda!”
I was so excited! Though an entire week where I couldn’t tell anyone about it?
Let me tell you, it was a very difficult week to not tell my parents, friends, and fellow YWAM students. Especially since it was very apparent on my face that I was really excited. I know why God had us do this though. He wanted us to seek Him in confirmation and to be patient, to not run ahead of His plan for us. After all, He is the one in charge, not us.
You can guess what the result was since I am talking about it. I cannot wait to jump into the ministry and pursue writing! I recently had a meeting with the staff and they are putting together a year-long internship for me! As excited as I am though, I’m not starting until the spring semester. Initially, I considered starting soon after I returned, but it’s taking me a while to adjust back to my life here in Alaska. So this fall semester is a season of rest for me.
Regardless, I am so excited about my upcoming internship and pursuing writing! I’m even more ecstatic that God gave me His calling for my life after years and years of prayer and waiting. I will say, it came in at the perfect timing. My experience in YWAM and Discipleship Training School has helped me prepare for this next chapter in my life.
I want to encourage you fellow readers to never stop praying. God listens and hears you; He does not turn away from you. Just keep in mind sometimes His answer can be different than what you had envisioned, more often than not. But I can guarantee that whatever His answer may be, it is exactly what you need.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
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